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#3 When Silence Speaks Louder Than Words

  • Writer: Stewart Bogle
    Stewart Bogle
  • Feb 23, 2024
  • 4 min read

Updated: Apr 3

Navigating Faith Without The Spiritual Acrobatics


When my wife was battling her illness, the hardest part wasn’t just the pain or the uncertainty—it was the well-meaning advice that came from so many directions. It felt like people couldn’t bear the idea of unanswered questions, so they grasped for explanations, often resorting to what I called the ‘Cirque du Soleil approach.’ It felt like they were performing spiritual acrobatics to absolve God of responsibility, as if His goodness was on trial and He needed defending.



People often said to me, “Stewart, remember God is good no matter what!” but their voices sometimes carried an urgency, as though they were trying to convince themselves. I didn’t need convincing. What I needed was their presence, their willingness to sit with me in the unanswerable. The reality was, bad things were happening. And while we weren’t blaming God, we also weren’t looking for simple answers.

"The first duty of love is to listen." Paul Tillich

Wrestling with God in the Uncertainty

Here’s the truth. We don’t always know why bad things happen. As much as we wish for clarity, life is often too complex to fit into tidy theological explanations. What mattered most during those dark days wasn’t having all the answers but knowing that God was with us. His presence brought comfort, not because it solved the mystery but because it reminded us we weren’t alone.


I wonder why we feel so compelled to explain suffering? Is it because sitting in the silence makes us uncomfortable or that it somehow undermines the goodness or the power of God? Or maybe it’s are battling our own doubts and think words will protect us from them. The irony is, when we avoid the silence, we also miss its gifts—gifts like deeper trust, empathy, and a faith that can weather the storms of life.


Supporting Others with Presence, Not Platitudes

Looking back, I’m grateful for those who tried to help, but the moments that mattered most weren’t the words—they were the silences. It’s reminds me of the story of Job’s friends in the Bible. When they saw his suffering, they sat with him for seven days and seven nights without saying a word. That was profound. It was only when they felt the need to start explaining the why behind the what that they undid so much of the comfort they brought at the start.


Have you ever noticed how quick we are to jump in with advice or explanations? It’s as though we believe that our words can fix what’s broken. But sometimes, the most loving thing we can do is simply be there. To sit in the mess with someone, to hold their hand, to listen without needing to reply—that’s when love speaks the loudest.

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Stephen R. Covey

Presence Over Answers

Here’s a challenge: the next time you’re with someone who’s hurting, resist the urge to explain or fix. Instead, sit with them quietly. Let yourself feel the discomfort of not knowing what to say, and then lean into it. You might be surprised by how much your presence alone can mean.


Yes, God is good. But maybe the best way to reflect that goodness isn’t by saying it—it’s by embodying it. When we show up with quiet empathy, we remind others that they are not alone, and sometimes, that’s the most powerful testimony of all.

“Sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand." Anonymous

A Prayer for Comfort

“Dear Lord, we don’t know why this is happening, but we know we need You. Please bring comfort, strength, and a peace that surpasses understanding. Help us feel Your presence and guide us in these difficult moments. Thank You for being with us, always. Amen.”


Question/s to reflect on:

  1. How do you usually respond when someone you love is suffering? Do you lean in with explanations to fill the silence, or do you prioritize being present and simply listening?

  2. What keeps you from embracing silence in moments of pain—your discomfort, your fear of not knowing, or something else?

From Reflection to Action: (These are just suggestions – maybe choose 1 or 2 to try)

  1. Reflect: Spend time examining how you respond to others in pain. Do you offer explanations or simply show up with empathy? Commit to one small change teh next time you see them.

  2. Practice Empathy: This week, be intentional about listening to someone in pain without offering advice or solutions. Notice the impact this has.

  3. Learn from Job’s Friends: Read Job 2:11-13 and reflect on how their silent presence can help guide you in the way you support others.

  4. Share the Gift of Silence: If you know someone going through a hard time, reach out and let them guide the interaction. Sometimes, your quiet presence is the best gift.

  5. Explore Resources: Dive into the Resilient Souls podcast for stories of resilience and insights on supporting others well. In some instances they speak specifically about what helped and what didn’t help from others.

Bible Verses About Comfort and Support and the Lord’s Way to Support Others

  1. Psalm 34:18 (NIV): "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

  2. Romans 12:15 (NIV): "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."

  3. Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV): "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding..."

  4. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV): "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort..."

  5. Isaiah 41:10 (NLT): "Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God..."

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