#19 Coping with Grief: Finding Hope in a Future You Never Imagined

Take note: This blog contains themes and references to loss and death.

The Unpredictable Nature of Grief

Grief is unpredictable, showing up when you’re at your weakest and staying around for as long as it wants. For some, it arrives like a tidal wave, overwhelming them completely. For others, it visits like an unwelcome guest, popping in at the most inconvenient times. It takes many forms, affects every part of life, and can be triggered by anything. You can’t define or control it—it often controls you.

There’s no formula for grief, no way to fix it or escape from it. It can be an unwieldy beast. No one wants to go through it, but there’s no avoiding it either. Many describe it as always being there in some way or another.

Personal Experiences and Misconceptions

During a podcast conversation with Christi Brown from The Judah Brown Project, her words about grief reminded me of my own experience. Some people encouraged me to "move on," while others suggested distracting myself with happy thoughts. Somebody even said to me that I wasn’t ready to remarry because I still felt emotions about my first wife’s death, implying that grief had an expiration date. I was stunned. It made it seem like I hadn’t grieved ‘properly’—as if there’s a right way or a timeline to follow. But grief doesn’t work like that. I explained to her that I’d always feel something when I remembered back to the day my first wife died, with our 13-year-old son by my side. The pain may ease, but it never fully goes away—nor should it.

In every conversation I’ve had about grief, one thing is clear: everyone experiences it differently. Around the time I spoke with Christi, I listened to a Kate Bowler podcast called Everything Happens—she was having a powerful conversation with Justin Yopp and Don Rosenstein (advocates for mental health and wellness, authors, and speakers in the USA) about supporting parents with cancer who also had dependent children. It aligned with this season’s focus on the impact of trauma on children.

Grieving the Loss of a Future That Never Was Guaranteed

What struck me in their conversation was the idea that we don’t just grieve the loss of what we had—we also grieve the loss of what we thought we’d have. We all dream. We imagine futures filled with joy, love, success—a family, a thriving career, a home that becomes a sanctuary. These dreams aren’t guaranteed, but when they’re taken from us, the grief can be profound.

It’s the grief of a future we never got to live. The loss of something we deeply hoped for, but never had the chance to experience, can leave an emptiness that’s hard to explain. Justin Yopp and Don Rosenstein spoke about the importance of allowing ourselves to grieve that imagined future while learning, in time, to reimagine a new one. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it’s possible.

Are you grieving a loss right now? Maybe it's the loss of a life you had planned with a partner, like I experienced. Or perhaps it’s the dream of a happy family, shattered by divorce or the death of a child. Maybe you’ve longed for a family, but the struggle with infertility has made you grieve for the children you never had. There are countless forms of grief, and each one is deeply felt.

Reimagining a New Future After Loss

Without ever trying to minimise the pain of loss, I do want to encourage you to try to reimagine your future dreams. They won’t be the same as the dreams you once had or the future you thought you’d step into, but it’s still possible to find a way forward to a future that’s worth living.

This is what I see in Christi and so many of my guests. None of us chose the tragedies we faced or the loss of the dreams we cherished. But we’ve all found a way to keep moving forward—finding meaning and purpose in a new reality. Grief still lingers, but it doesn’t have to be the only thing we experience.

Finding Hope and Purpose on the Journey

I never anticipated the life I’m living now. It’s nothing like what I imagined, but it’s also filled with moments of joy and hope I didn’t expect. This is the heart of Resilient Souls: helping people understand that their grief is real and valid, but so is the possibility of a future that holds joy, purpose, and hope.

Could today be the start of reimagining a tomorrow worth living—even as you carry the weight of loss? That’s my hope, and that’s why Resilient Souls exists.

Question/s to reflect on:

1. How has your experience of grief shaped the way you see your future?

   
   

2. What steps can you take today to start reimagining a future that both honours your loss and also embraces new possibilities?

From Reflection to Action: (These are just suggestions – maybe choose 1 or 2 to try)

1. Journal Your Reimagined Future: Spend some time each day writing about the future you are beginning to imagine. Be as detailed as possible—what could that new future look like, feel like, and how would it differ from the one you lost? This exercise can help you process grief while allowing you to start reimagining a future filled with new possibilities.

2. Plant a Tree or a Garden: Consider planting a tree, a small garden, or even a potted plant as a living symbol of your grief journey. As it grows, let it remind you of the new life and hope that can come from pain. This is a tangible way to watch something beautiful come from a difficult season.

3. Plan a Time Away: Take some intentional time away, even if it’s just a day at home with no distractions, to focus on self-care and reflection. Use this time to meditate, pray, or simply be in nature, allowing yourself the space to grieve and begin to dream again. This might help you gain clarity and peace as you process your emotions.

4. Do Something Creative: Explore an art form—such as painting, writing poetry, or crafting—that allows you to express your grief and hopes for the future. Creativity can be a powerful outlet for processing deep emotions and finding new ways to look forward.

5. Set a Small Daily Goal: Choose a simple goal each day, like taking a walk, reading a chapter of a book, or calling a friend. These small steps can help build a sense of progress and purpose as you begin to reimagine your future.

6. Tune into Encouraging Podcasts: Help build your resilience with these stories from the Resilient Souls podcast and particularly Christi Brown's interview or check out Kate Bowler's podcast Everything Happens.

Bible verses about grief, loss, and the hope of reimagining a future:

1. Psalm 34:18 (NIV): "The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

2. Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT): " I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland."

3. Matthew 5:4 (GNB): "Happy are those who mourn; God will comfort them!"

4. Romans 8:18 (CEV): "I am sure that what we are suffering now cannot compare with the glory that will be shown to us."

5. Psalm 56:8 (NLT): "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."

6. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV): "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

7. Isaiah 41:10 (ESV): "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

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