#19 Reimagining Life After Loss

Discovering Hope in the Places You Least Expect

The Unpredictable Nature of Grief

Most of my conversations on the podcast keep reminding me that grief is unpredictable. It shows up when you’re at your weakest and stays for as long as it wants.

For some, it comes like a tidal wave, overwhelming and all-consuming. For others, it lingers quietly, waiting for the moments you least expect it.

It takes many forms, touches every part of life, and can be triggered by almost anything. You can’t define or control it. Most days, it feels like it controls you.

There’s no formula for grief, no way to fix it or escape it. It becomes something you learn to live with. No one chooses to go through it, but there’s no avoiding it either.

Misunderstandings About Grief

During a podcast conversation with Christi Brown from The Judah Brown Project, her reflections on grief took me back to my own experience.

People often meant well when they tried to comfort me or ‘get me through my grief,’ but their words often missed the mark. Some encouraged me to move on. Others said to focus on happy thoughts. One person even told me I wasn’t ready to remarry because I still felt emotion about my first wife’s death. It implied that grief has an expiry date.

I was stunned. It made it seem like I hadn’t grieved properly, as if there’s a right way or a set timeline to follow. But grief doesn’t work like that. I told them that I would always feel something when I remembered the day my first wife died, with our 13-year-old son sitting by my side, tears flowing down his face. The pain of loss may soften, but it never fully disappears. And it shouldn’t.

In every conversation I’ve had about grief, one thing is clear: everyone experiences it differently..........

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